Review: The Well-Behaved Child - Discipline that REALLY works

Children are Children, not Bad

The Well-Behaved Child prescribes a very authoritarian style of parenting, the one that is traditional or old-school so to speak. Author, John Rosemond advises parents to be "mean" in order to discipline their children, and justifies this for the good of their own children. The target audience is parents with children aged 3-13.

In the very first chapter, the book says that children misbehave because they are "bad". Now, this is sure to offend many. I almost felt like throwing this book out of the window at that very moment. However, I hung in there and wasn't all that disappointed at the end. The book says that in order to correct a child's behavioral problems, the child should face the "consequences" for his/her misbehavior. The basic "consequences" for almost all situations are stripping the children off their favorite toys (or something they enjoy indulging in), confining them to their room, and sending them to bed one hour earlier than their usual routine. The consequences were repeated so many times in this book that they almost sounded like cliché. The question it leaves in my mind is that what if the child isn't obedient enough to stay in the room (which is the reason for punishing them in the first place), or bangs the door or windows repeatedly while confined (in case the room is locked by the parents). This part is mysteriously left out of the book.

The part I like the most about this book are some of the techniques described to tackle some of the worst behavior problems such as obsessive stealing and lying. These techniques are as simple as a mere change in parents' reaction to the child's behavioral problems. It provides testimonials of parents, who at the advice of psychologists, were about to put their child on medication, but rescued their child almost overnight by a simple change in their own reaction. In particular, I really liked the "The Doctor" technique and the "Ask Them No Questions and They'll Tell You No Lies" approach. I'm convinced that some of these "common-sense" approaches will actually work the way they have been described in the book. The book is full of real stories of disciplining children with behavioral problems including those of John's own children and grandchildren.

The part I didn't like about the book is that it sounds too "cold". It leaves out the emotional aspects of parenting, the joys of watching your children grow, the thrills of indulging with them in their childish acts. I think that an extremely well-behaved is also a "boring" child. I don't mind some playfulness in children and don't want to turn my home into a military camp. After all, children and children.

In conclusion, the approach described in this book is a bit of over-reaction for minor misbehaviors. Unless your child is facing acute behavioral problems, and something you would seek medical attention for, you can do without this book. However, if you are truly distressed with your child's behavior, and at the brink of putting your child on treatment or medication, I would highly recommend that you read this book first.

P.S.: I received this book free of cost from Thomas Nelson Inc. under their Book Review Bloggers program. I would like to thank them for offering me the opportunity to review this useful book.